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Feeling a bit guilty

Tomorrow I start school.
If I don’t go to school and get my Diploma (german: Realschulabschluss) then I will never be able to get a decent Job and will most definitely NOT be able to become a midwife, which is what I really want. I NEED to go to school, for myself and for my kids.
due to some unforeseen circumstances, I have to go to a school that is more than twice as far from here as I had planned (because the one I was originally going to go to stopped offering this course due to budget cuts) and because I was so late to sign up, I couldn’t get into the morning classes, so now I will have school from  5-10 pm plus a 30 minute commute each way.
Not only will this interfere with my little ones breastfeeding and cosleeping since he will be asleep by the time I come home, but it also means after the summer, I will only get to see Lee in the mornings when I take him to preschool, because he will be staying there till 4.30 pm to get his therapy and whatnot, which is when I will have to leave for school and he will be alseep when I get home.
When I signed up for the class I asked them that, if a spot opens up in the morning, to please let me have it.
And they said they will definitely put me at the top of the list because of my kids, however if I start skipping school or my performance drops, they will give it to someone else.
I feel so guilty for spending so much time away from my kids and I havent even started yet!


Sick and tired

but mostly just sick.

And not just me, the whole Family.
Well, Lee (my 3-year-old) is doing better, he has been getting antibiotics all week.
Which is just making my life harder because he is bouncing off the walls and can’t understand why mommy doesnt wanna play with him right now.
And worst of all, the baby is sick too.
It breaks my heart watching him cough and sneeze and be miserable 😦 He is too weak and tired to eat baby food, so he has been nursing more often, which I’m hoping will help him recover quickly, however, if he is not better by morning, I’m going to take him to the doctor.

On a more positive note, I weighed in today at 201.9 lbs, which is down exactly 2 lbs since last week. Im hoping to break the 200 lbs mark next week. My BMI is 27.96.
Im down 11.1 lbs since I started 5 weeks ago. Yay me!

First Run

I’ve been wanting to run for a while now, but it was always too cold and then I had problems with my ankle,  so when it started to feel better I decided I would go for my first run the next day.
I had already looked up a few ideas on how to get started, since I’m out of shape and overweight, I didn’t wanna over- or underdo it.
I had already planned a route that I usually take when riding my bike, where no one would see my first pathetic attempts.
The couch to 5k plan says to do a 5 minute warm up walk, which I stretched to 8 minutes to get to a point where I knew I would be alone.
By the time I got there the baby was asleep in the stroller.
You’re supposed to start with intervals of 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds walking, for a total of 20 minutes.
For me it worked out to be more like 60 seconds of running and 120 of walking for a total of 15 minutes, but I figured I’m
A) pushing a heavy stroller that is NOT made for running and
B) Combined with my 8 minutes of warm up (that I still had to walk back) I think I did pretty good.

The best part?

I was SO proud of myself afterwards.
I felt great and had a ton of energy for the rest of the day.

I was gonna go again today but Lee had a doctor’s appointment in the morning so he wasnt going to preschool.
However, I still got a bit of exercise because on the way home, Lee couldn’t walk anymore (he’s still a little sick, though the antibiotics he is on are helping tons) so I carried him.
About a quarter-mile from our house I saw an old lady and her bicycle lying in the middle of the road. There was a man there already helping so I asked if there was anything I could do to help and she asked me to go to her house and tell her Son what happened,So I asked her for the address, repeated it back to her and started walking as fast as I could to her house (whilst carrying my 35 lbs kid the whole time) it wasnt far (half a mile) I let the son know, he said he would go to her and that was it. I still had to carry Lee the quarter-mile back to our house, poor kid was almost frozen solid 😦
That was my excercise for the day.

Tomorrow, if it’s not too cold, I plan to practise running again 🙂


Let me start off by introducing myself:

Hello, my name is Bianca. I was born and raised in Germany, but have spent most of my adult life in the United States.
I was married to a soldier for 7 years, but that didnt work out.
Out of this relationship came 2 beautiful little boys, Lee (3.5 years old) and Dean (born August 2010).
I left my husband, the US  and the life of an Army Wife behind when I was 6 months pregnant with Dean and flew home to Germany to move back in with my parents.
Due to some shortcomings on my own as well as my soon-to-be ex husbands part, I never finished school and have no green card, so I wasnt able to get a drivers license either.
Why am I telling you all this?

Because I’m starting over.

I’m currently in the middle of getting my drivers license (passed the theory, need a few more hours before I can do the practical test), I just signed up for school to get my diploma (Realschulabschluss) and another important part, I’ve gained a lot of weight since getting pregnant with my first, so I will be using this blog to document my journey to get thinner, healthier, smarter and… drivers license-ier…. lol.

PS: In case you are wondering, the name of the blog is not a typo. It is a combination of several things. Thick & thin, obvious, I’m trying to lose weight. it is also an Avenged Sevenfold song (from their first album “Sounding the seventh trumpet”) however that was already taken, plus I wanted to incorporate the school part, hence the “think”.

Thanks for reading, hope you will come with me on my journey to improve myself 🙂